Welcome to the first post in my series "Making Babies" where I'll be discussing fertility, pregnancy, acupuncture & motherhood. This post here is all about how I think non-judgement is super important when discussing these topics, and the genius concept that we don't need to decide what is best for other people or judge them for not making the same decisions as we do.
Here’s the thing: opinion is not fact.
In fact, facts are not “FACTS”. I mean, OK sometimes they are — like historical dates - but most medical facts are first interpreted and then opinions are formed based on that interpretation. You can find ‘facts’ to support a lot of differing opinions - various studies can come up with various results. This is precisely why you can have two people with exact opposing arguments, both backed up by 'facts'.
I'm going to get meta with you: think about the nature of knowledge. Most things are only true with very specific parameters.
Current pop-medical knowledge, for example, changes as times change and different "facts" come to light.
Did you know women used to be given hormonal shots after giving birth so their milk wouldn't "let down" and this was completely normal, routine and not questioned? Yeah, that was because it was based on someone's opinion about the going medical knowledge, which was considered fact at that time. "Facts" later came out suggesting this...is maybe not...the best standard of practice.
I could go on about facts being quite malleable, but that is not the point of this post.
The point of this post is that everyone has their own opinion, hopefully based on some form of fact or knowledge that they have acquired, and everyone is doing their best to navigate through the endless variations of facts and others' opinions to come up with their own decisions about their life. Decision making is often heavily influenced by instinct or by what feels right for a particular person at a particular time. All of this is OK.
We don't need to decide what is best for other people or judge them for not making the same decisions as we do.
Choosing whether to have children, how to approach fertility, which pregnancy choices to make, the birthing plan to follow, how to raise children, whether to focus on a career, how to balance individual self and family self, and so on, are all topics people, particularly women, must make decisions on.
It is imperative to let each person make their own decisions, based on their own experiences, knowledge and natural proclivity.
I, personally, have never been so aware of judgement between women until becoming pregnant and delving into the world of choices to make as a mother.
This must stop. We are raising the next generation of humans, let's help them understand the inherent ignorance in judging others with opinions that don't exactly match up to ours.
You don't need to force your opinion on others, regardless of how many online articles you've read or how many mommy Facebook groups you've joined. Of course, by all means, inform each other, support each other, and try to open peoples' eyes. But please, never judge or try to force your opinion on another woman, or parent.
You don't walk in her shoes & haven't had her experiences. Usually, we are all just trying our best. Think about it - maybe your facts & opinions are wrong.
All this being said - over the next few months, I'm going to be posting some things I've learned & choices I have made as I've gone down this path towards motherhood. I don't expect you to do the same as I do. I just want to give some information about the options out there.
Please only take what serves you.
Want more info on practicing non-judgement? Try here.
Next in the Making Babies series I'll be talking about breastfeeding choices...